Angry people are not always wise!

Most of us don’t like confrontation and will avoid it where possible. However, there are times we have to assert ourselves, our boundaries and our needs and others will want to do the same with us. Some people do this by becoming angry, shouting, throwing things and sometime with physical violence – that’s where Private Counselling Ashford Kent can help.

There are a number of ways in which we can express unhappiness/displeasure about something but when we it comes out as anger, it’s guaranteed that it will almost, always be unproductive and ineffective. The unhealthy negative emotion of anger is also exhausting. We might think we feel good during a 60 second rant at another person, but one things for sure, once we have calmed down, we always end up feeling bad about ourselves.

Anger - both direct or passive- is meant to communicate something we deem important. However, it tends to have the opposite effect by driving people away. So when what you really want is to connect and be heard, the end result is often the opposite and you can end up destroying your relationships. Any form of aggression is the biggest obstacle to emotionally intelligent communication.

At Private Counselling Ashford Kent we are aware that people often think that anger is a way of getting what they want, however this often creates the opposite result. Research shows that a hostile communication style will drive people away: when you’re aggressive people will react negatively to you. They will feel uncomfortable, they won’t understand what is going on and they’ll want to get away from you.

We all need to take responsibility for how we respond to situations and any feelings they make evoke in you.  When we feel angry, it’s all we can think about but it’s important to take a breath and think things through properly to break the cycle of anger.

Our Private Counsellors Ashford understand that people experience negative emotions such as anger. Sometimes this is often a consequence of being hurt or jealousy? Sometimes, we think we’re frustrated with a person or a situation, but the truth is, we’re actually feeling pain or the threat of rejection. It takes courage and honesty to take responsibility for the real reasons behind your negative frustrations. 

Are you basing your anger on fact or interpretation? More often than not, it’s interpretation. Our Private Counselling Ashford therapists can help you with this. It’s easy to jump to conclusions based on feeling surrounding what we believe something to be rather than what is actually is. There’s a useful saying ‘just because we feel bad doesn’t necessarily mean it is bad’. Take the time to find out if your interpretation of a situation that frustrates you is factually true. Or has someone unwittingly fallen short of your expectations/moral code and you're misplacing blame?  Remember, they are your expectations only and it’s too easy to blame somebody else for how we feel.